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Rectangular Callout: Text Box: Text Box:
Oval Callout: Hi, I’m Ryan Seacrest here to help walk you through the 43rd Carnival of the NBA… which is being hosted right here on RedsArmy.com.
Oval Callout: Now you might be wondering what the hell I, a talentless dwarf of a man, am doing hosting a basketball blog’s compilation of links from other, more well run and more popular blogs?  Because only I am a bigger douchebag than Red’s Army founders Chuck and John.  That… and I’ll do anything for money.  Anything.
Oval Callout: And really, when you think about it, considering the season the Celtics just had… it makes total sense for a Celtics blog to find the biggest loser it can to host something like this.

So here’s how it’s gonna work.  We’ve got some of the biggest names from American Idol history here to belt out tunes pertaining to the various links we’ve gotten.  Then the judges will do their thing… and in the end we’ll declare a winner.  First up… last year’s winner… 54 year old Taylor Hicks
Oval Callout: I don’t know which was worse… those lyrics… or the fact that the idiot writing this thinks this was a funny idea.  Awful. 
Oval Callout: I liked it.  I didn’t at first… but a couple of drinks into it… it started to sound better.  Plus, as an addict myself, I like the fact that there’s a site called hoopsaddict in there.
Oval Callout: You can do whatever you want when you run a blog carnival.  Hey Paula… how many fingers am I holding up?  Paula?  Paula?  Someone wake her up and get her some coffee so she can listen to our next performer, Kelly Clarkson.
Oval Callout: I still can’t believe these guys are going with this bit.  It played itself out 5 minutes ago.  And these songs make no sense.  This is the worst blog carnival ever.  Terrible.  These guys are just terrible.
Oval Callout: You… yerrrrr… crAY… zee.
It might be the 5 r..r...rum and cokes talking.  Or it COULD be the Oxy Clean I took.  WAIT NO!  Did I say Oxy Clean? HAH HAH HAH.  I meant Oxycontin.  Whoa man… I am wasted!  Why is Oprah sitting next to me?
Oval Callout: Umm… you’re like, 4 foot 7… 

And the mic is still on.
Oval Callout: Oooooh….

Ladies and Gentlemen…. SANJAYA MALAKAR!!!
Rounded Rectangular Callout: No… no…. I don’t want to g… g… go… ho... home. I’m fi...fine. I just puked a little.  Where’s my absinthe?   
Rounded Rectangular Callout: Yes… whatever you say.  

You’re #1.  

Goodnight!

We want to send a special shout out to TheBigLead… which was attacked and shut down by ESPNRadio’s leading douchebag (or as he’s now known in the blogosphere… Schrutebag) Colin Cowherd.  For those who don’t know what happened, you can get the rundown here.  Props to Deadspin and WithLeather… sites with huge readerships that saw what happened and made sure it was publicized.  As an idiot blogger, I find it abhorrent that ESPN would attack “the little guy.”  I’m glad that at least there was a little scolding and an apology. 

Oval Callout: Oval Callout: Oval Callout: Rectangular Callout: Oval Callout: Oval Callout: Rectangular Callout: Rounded Rectangular Callout: Rectangular Callout: Rounded Rectangular Callout: Rounded Rectangular Callout: Rectangular Callout:

I got what you want… you got what I need…

The first blog up is the Need4Sheed

Like a miracle shot, or me becoming a star

Taking over Pistons.com is the coolest thing by far

 

At HoopsAddict.com… as I make the switch

They review a book on the Life of Pete Maravich

And if that ain’t all that… and a bag of chips

Check out SAT Scores and NCAA Scholarships.

 

My career will be one big roller coaster…

But If I were like the TheHypeGuy and his classic movie posters

I’d probably always get laid…

But instead I’m like EmptyTheBench’s list of the most overpaid.

 

Now I’m gonna go…

Cuz this bit is getting old…

Besides… I want to read IHeartKG

And how to win Troy Hudson’s gold.

Dog… I don’t know.  I know that these guys are TRYING to be funny.  But I just don’t see it.  Maybe if they were like that Knicks blog PostingandToasting.com.  Now that’s funny… especially their “Know The Opponent” stuff. 

Whoa… that’s a little harsh.  The guys here at Red’s Army are trying.  I mean… they did fix Rajon Rondo’s shot… doesn’t that count for anything?

Oh… I didn’t realize blatant self promotion was allowed in the carnival.  Otherwise I might have thrown in a plug for the podcast the guys recorded while they were in the stands at the Miami Heat game. 

Because of you…

paparazzi stalk me all over the place

Like ThePaintedArea and his

candid pics of ballers (Check out Pau’s Face)

 

Because of you… I was hot

but now I’ve fallen into the abyss…

But now I’m back to read

SportSnorts Cuban’s Missile Crisis

 

I don’t have commercials

But BothTeamsPlayedHard

found 50 of the NBA’s Best

 

And StraightBangin

Says Amare Stoudemire

Is too good for the rest

 

And like BulletsForever

And its Dan Steinberg interview

 

It’s because of you!

Dog… I see where you’re going with this.  It’s starting to grow on me, man. I’m digging it.   You’re hoping to make a splash… maybe you can be popular like GoldenStateOfMind… and have a bunch of people show up for your events or make bids for Kevin Garnett

So I was listening to Red’s Army’s new call-in show and admiring my highlights when I saw Wally Szczerbiak on TV… OH MY GOD he’s so hot.  So I figure if I get a Brazilian tonight… I’ll be ready to try to track him down by...

I’ve got no talent… but I don’t care…

Because I get votes… and I’ve got my hair.

 

So I’ll continue to sing… And you’re eardrums I’ll bruise…

As TWolvesBlog wonders… if it’s OK to lose

 

I’ll win this contest… and I’ll drive fancy cars…

While 20SecondTimeout defines the value of Superstars

 

There are still more links coming… so please don’t get bored

Why not check out YAYSports!... Postseason awards

OH MY GOD!!!!  I love Sanjaya and this carnival SOOOOO MUCH!!!  I just can’t get enough of things that totally blow!!  If I liked cool things, then I’d read NBA Glue and how Al Jefferson is the new big on the block…. Or how NBA stars compare to the stars of the hottest shows on TV.  But since I like things like suck, I want to hear more SANJAYA!!! 

HooplahNation is for fans of the Nets…

And Sportsbiz can probably help you place bets

 

But their look at the Wacky ABA

Makes me think they’re A-OK!

Come on, Paula.  I’ve had enough of this crap… and you’ve had enough to drink.  Let’s go back to my place, maybe pretend we’re Pistons fans and read TheHardcourt… and who knows...

You’ve had 23 drinks tonight.  Dog… that’s foul.  I mean… you’re probably in the right frame of mind for this carnival… but if you had to navigate maybe the coolest new site around... BallHype.com… you’d totally fall flat dog.

Well… we’re almost done with the carnival.  The guys at Red’s Army still haven’t paid me, so I got this shirt made up.  Red’s Army Sucks!  That’ll teach them. 

 

There are other Celtic sites that don’t suck.  Like CelticsBlog… pretty much the top dog of C’s sites.  The guys over at CelticsStuffLive blazed the trail by doing their weekly live broadcasts and call-in shows.  The folks at Loy’s Place are prolific.  Besides hosting a recent carnival… they wonder if the C’s are tanking (even though the C’s insist the lottery is no sure thing)… or if they’re just a victim of circumstance. 

 

There are too many Celtics blogs to even remember them all.  Celtics bloggers are working 24/7… even though the team blows.  Luckily, you can find them all here

 

As for who the winner is in “Carnival Idol”…

 

Well… when you consider the cheesy premise, horrible lyrics, and the potential lawsuit facing Red’s Army for ripping off Fox’s material… there is no winner.  Everybody’s a lose in this one… Right Simon?

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